Thursday, October 29, 2009

$1 Chicken, Incredibly Stupid Woman

So as you may or may not know, Boston Market is offering a 3-piece chicken meal w/ cornbread and mashed potatoes. I found this out at work while doing some mad IT troubleshooting (mostly, 'why can't I print my coupon?' "Well, because everybody wants free chicken (remember that recession?) so the world is trying to go to Boston's website and it just shit itself.")

So I found a mirror of the coupon for the sake of customer service... then I went and ate some fuckin one dollar chicken.

I went to get my chicken and I encountered easily the most ridiculous situation I've been in in a while. Three people were involved. The dude @ Boston Market taking the order, the woman in front of me in line, and myself. The dialogue follows.

Dude: [to woman] Hi, what do you want?
Woman: [holding up handful of coupons] I have seven of these, I need seven.
D: Sorry, but it's one coupon per person.
W: Okay fine [then getting on her cellphone]
D: So, what do you want?
W: Chicken
D: White or Dark?
W: Huh?
D: White or Dark?
W: What?
D: [getting visibly agitated] What kind of meat do you want? White or Dark?
W: I have no idea what you're asking me.
D: White? or Dark?
W: Chicken
D: Yes, but white or dark?
W: [holding up coupon] I want chicken.
D: White meat or dark meat?
W: What does that mean?
W: [turning to me] I have no idea what he is asking me.
Me: Do you want white or dark meat?
W: What does that even mean?
Me: It's different parts of the chicken, white meat or dark meat.
W: Ummm Okay.
D: So, white or dark?
W: Dark.


I ask for my white meat chicken and move forward to the dreaded POTATO STATION.

At this point, the dude has had enough of this woman so he recruits someone else to scoop the potatoes.
Potato Woman: Do you want gravy?
W: I want potatoes
P: But do you want gravy on them?
W: I want them mashed
P: Great, you're getting gravy

For fucks sake, I wish I was making this shit up. It's easily the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed. Who the fuck doesn't know what White or Dark means? Has this woman never seen a chicken? Is she from space? I genuinely do not know what was going through her head. Unless the mere fact that she couldn't use seven motherfucking coupons totally blew her mind into oblivion and I was witnessing her picking up the pieces.

Holy shit.
On that note, I ate my dollar chicken and it was good. The mashed potatoes, however, were subpar.

On a related note of stupidity...

No, these people aren't about to have an epic lightsaber battle. They're preparing to go Cross Country Walking. That's right, walking, with STICKS! Who needs skis? Not these people... guess what, you look like douchebags.

PS: If you wanna rock some cheap chicken, holler:

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Four years later.

Shit's been busy, okay, so I haven't updated.

Not like the whole zero readers have really been clamoring for a new post.

Well, let me tell you a story. A story about the land of Milkquarious.
Scope that shit here:

Also, if you're down with the equestrian shit, you can always get on my horse.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Internet Cesspool.

I was going to try to incorporate things I found on the web here, but I felt like it might become cluttered, and I don't feel like throwing down 50 stories a day.

I'll leave that to the soon to come: Don't Fear the Internets. A blog that (hopefully) delivers plenty of mindless web garbage, plus an insightful and undoubtedly vulgar podcast. How can you go wrong?

I'm living in the stone age.

I live in an old house (turn of the century) and it's great because it's rock solid and all that shit, but the plumbing and electrical systems are pretty weaksauce. Last week, we had a new water heater installed (well, landlord did, I didn't pay for shit) because the old one was leaking like a mofo.

We've always had trouble with power. Our distro in the basement is an old school screw-type fuse box and they blow all the fuckin time. A couple weeks ago, we had an electrical storm that knocked out our wireless router (fried the power adapter, it was the only thing that wasn't plugged into the surge protector). Ever since that storm, our power had gotten flakier.

That, coupled with the fact that one fuse controls the living room and dining room, meaning it has a saltwater aquarium pulling 750W, a plasma TV with a 800W sound system, an XBOX 360 as well as a window air conditioner and the beer fridge (fortunately, it hasn't been that hot lately, so we haven't been using the AC). Whenever the aquarium's pumps cycle, the lights flicker, same with when you turn on the TV or the fridge kicks on.

On Friday, my roommate turned on the xbox and it threw a RRoD, fuckin great. Luckily, the power supply was just being a bitch due to the terrible power and it worked after having a nap. The other night, we turned off the TV and the fuse popped. It's been a mess.

Well, the landlord showed up last night with some really old-ass electrician and determined that the entire box needs to be replaced (and probably upgraded to breakers). He wasn't comfortable putting two of the circuits back in action, so until we have some new electrical in the house, we don't have TV, Internet, video games, or any of that shit. The other fuse he deemed unstable handles the kitchen, so we have to run the fridge off an extension cord so our shit doesn't go bad.

It's a real mess. I guess the moral of the story is that 100 year old houses can't really handle the 1.21 gigawatts that three 26 year olds will tend to throw at it.
Then I got antifreeze in my mouth, but that's another entry for another time. Good times, indeed. Perhaps the worst part is that I don't have any cold beer to go home to, it's all warm.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Big bucket of fail.

My car has a bad wheel bearing on the rear driver's side. I have 500 miles left on my warranty, but I have 10mm hub spacers in place. I'm pretty sure that if the dealership saw the spacers (which they definitely would) they wouldn't cover the repair under the warranty.

Should've been pretty easy to remove the spacers, but unfortunately, Chicago winters have fucked up the aluminum pretty bad and the spacers have fused to the back of the brake drums. I've spent several hours beating he shit out of it with no success. So today I took a propane torch to the spacer, hoping that heating it would either cause it to break loose or at least allow the PB Blaster to soak in better. Sadly, it didn't work. So now, I have to figure out what to do next.
1. Take it to the dealership, and see what they say (hoping they don't charge me the $75 diagnostic)
2. Buy the $100 wheel bearing and attempt to swap it out on my own.
3. Take it to a shop to have them remove the spacers (assuming it will cost way less than $75)
4. Bite the bullet and pay for the repairs.

Sigh, so yea.

Now I'm just sitting on the couch watching To Catch a Predator. Hilarious, you can see the guys shit their pants.

Oh yea, go see Inglourious Basterds, it was brilliant. I'm going to see it again soon and I'll write a proper review.

Friday, August 21, 2009


I've been sick all fucking week. My sinuses hate me so much. Missed a couple days of work (well, didn't MISS them) so I slept my ass off.

Throwing an impromptu bachelor/birthday party tomorrow. Gonna do some go-karting and probably seeing Inglourious Basterds. Yep, that's about it.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Chicago Air Show

So I watched the air show from the 33rd floor balcony at a condo on Lake Shore Drive yesterday. It was pretty epic. First time I've been to an air show where you have to look down at the planes. Plus, when they buzzed the building, it's was undeniably awesome. I tried shooting the show with my kit lens, and it was no bueno. That lens is just not long enough for something like that. I hopped on eBay and found a 55-200 VR for $150 shipped! So yea, that's on the way, thanks internets!

As soon as we left, it started pouring. The walk to the subway was a little wet. Saw a friend I haven't seen in a long time on the train, that was fun.

Slummed it on the couch for the rest of the day. Watched Fanboys (worth it, for being 90 minutes of Star Wars in-jokes) and Zach and Miri (still a great movie). Finally finished downloading season one of Mad Men (I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who's never seen it).

I was awoken by a pretty major storm last night at around 5:45AM. It's been a while since we've gotten a good storm, more to come today, I hear. Only thing is that it apparently knocked out my fucking wireless router. It's just sitting there, totally dark. Everything else is working, so that's weird. It's going to be pretty weaksauce to not have internet for a bit until I get it worked out.

I'm hoping that the bolts for my rear hubs come today, I need to pull my rear spacer so I can take the car in for a (hopefully) warrantied wheel bearing replacement. But if it's going to rain all day, I don't want to be wrenching on the car.

That's all for now.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Not at the table, Carlos!

Totally just watched the Hangover again. Drank a few cans of High Life. Now I'm mos def rocking some Taco Burrito King. Fuck yes.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Champagne of Beers

There's really nothing better than coming home from a long day of work and drinking a couple cans of High Life and then taking a nap. It really makes you feel like a pro.

Friday, August 14, 2009

I should update more often.

It's been tough with work this week. I'm pretty frustrated at everything over there these days. I had another possible opportunity for work, but the commute would ruin me (and I'm not super positive how serious the offer was)...

I was supposed to be off today, but my boss won't let me take a personal day until I have some of my projects completed.

It's not that I'm not trying. It just seems like his idea of how to proceed is different than mine. He doesn't explain his methods, so I'm left guessing... I usually guess wrong.

Last week, he told me to do one thing on a project. The other day, when I told him where I was at, he said "Uh, I'm not so sure that's how you should go about this."
Amnesia can really ruin a work place. Well, beer helped me forget about that nightmare. So yea. Tomorrow, back to work.

Totally going to try to hit up the Chicago Air and Water Show this weekend (hopefully, Sarah is feeling better).

Holla back.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

What's a stereotype?

Remember that vodka watermelon? Well, we also ended up getting KFC for dinner too. While waiting, at KFC for our food (which will be detailed later) we did note that we were the only white people there. As if our stereotype-laden dinner wasn't enough, a Captain Planet reference led Tom to throw his fist in the air as if to summon the blue-skinned wonder... instead, it just looked like he was throwing a black power fist... after informing him that it was in poor form, he lowered his fist, only realizing 10 minutes later what I actually has meant by 'poor form'. As if it wasn't already a little awkward, the uncontrollable laughter at the black power faux pas definitely drew more attention than we needed.

It's also worth noting that, while delicious, fried chicken and sides while it's 90 degrees and humid out is a really big meal, and leads to an immediate desire to just sleep.
There were five of us, here's the menu: 18 pieces of chicken (3 of which were that grilled stuff), 9 biscuits, two tubs of mashed with gravy, a tub of beans, a tub of slaw and corn on the cob. Oh and a falafel sandwich for the vegetarian of the group. We made a serious dent in it, I believe there were only 4 pieces of chicken remaining and some mashed.

It was time to cut the vodka-infused watermelon. Holy fucking shit, talk about being punched in the face by liquor. Some spoonfuls tasted like watermelon and some just tasted like straight-up vodka. The executive decision to throw it in a blender with some ice to make it more palatable was made (and it was a good one) unfortunately, we were all feeling the effects of too much chicken on a hot, humid Chicago evening, so we abandoned ship.

The chicken dinner was a great idea, but maybe better suited for a cold December evening. Lesson learned.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

It's too damn hot for a penguin.

It's above 90 in Chicago today. Normally, this isn't that weird, but it's been a pretty chill summer this year, rarely getting above 80, so 92 is downright hellish.

I attempted to spend some time outside and take some pictures, but after about 30 minutes, I felt like a giant sweaty ass sat on me. Next best thing - sitting in the air conditioning, watching Arrested Development on Hulu and eating sushi. There may have been a nap in there too.

Fear not, internets, there's a watermelon with an inverted bottle of vodka in its grill that we will be eating tonight. I suppose alcohol makes the heat more bearable.

So yea, that should be entertaining.


Okay, so I was out to dinner with a group tonight. I've only met one of the guys once, otherwise, I knew pretty much everyone well enough.

So at some point during the dinner, new guy mentions something about going to get his MLS (library science degree)... now, having worked for a public library for ten years, I jokingly leaned over and said "are you sure about that decision?"

Apparently he doesn't possess a sense of humor, so he looks at me pretty dejected and with the straightest face ever goes "yes."

Wow, that was awkward as shit.

Almost as bad as the time I said "wouldn't it suck if you didn't have legs?" and some kid says "my dad lost his legs."

There's not much more to do than to just walk away at that point.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the evening standing outside the bar, avoiding dude.

Friday, August 7, 2009





Pretty incredible shots of my car.

Well, I gotta say, having a semi-pro photographer shoot your car is awesome.
I don't think it's ever looked this good... nope, definitely not.

Some think I'm obsessed... well, that's valid, I suppose. It's no worse than people whoring out pictures of their kids, right? Pretend it's my kid, problem solved.

Now I gotta learn how to get this quality out of my D40.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Holy shit, it's alive!

Welcome to!

Things you might find here:
disjointed ramblings
photos I've taken
random chunks of the internet (taken out of context, naturally)
links to websites I like
and so on
and so forth

other places you might find me:

Okay, this might get started now.

Well, I was totally planning on creating a website from scratch and all that shit, but I'm fucking lazy and I'm a terrible webdesigner. So, by the power of Greyskull (mostly godaddy and google) you should soon be able to see my blog at

Fingers crossed!